NEWS: (Before I start to lash out on a venting session)
Please go follow mine and Shane's new photography company on twitter- www.twitter.com/studioCphotos and on facebook- www.facebook.com/studio.c.photos
I got a new professional camera so Im really starting to get into, or at least hoping to get into photography more. Anyone need photos? Im willing to try anything! Check the facebook page for rates and information. Im very cheap, contact me ;)
Without naming any "names", Im sure this will be pretty obvious who this is directed to, but I need to vent, and lately I havent felt strong enough to vent to an actual person. Maybe fear of what they'll tell me. I dont know. Sometimes I just would rather let it all out, without any harsh opinions on their part, without them judging me, etc. It's easier this way.
Numero-Uno venting session: How do you help someone without being bias? Its extremely hard in my case...Im trying my best to help this person but all I feel like Im telling them is what I personally want to happen....which in most cases isnt the case. Im trying to help them from the outside looking in, but when its something dealing with ME, its quite hard to give an opinion without them or anyone else for that matter thinking Im only being bias and only telling them ONE thing because I want that ONE thing to happen.....Which def is true, I do want that one thing to happen, BUT that doesnt mean that's what I am ultimately trying to do here. I know this is all confusing to those of you who have NO idea whats going on, so humor me...Im only venting, usually that, for me, means you probably won't understand unless its something dealing with you.
Numero-Two-o venting session: Deals actually with the 1st venting session, but Im going to give it it's own category.......Summer 2010 will be the death of me. Im already starting to feel it and unfortunatly it's hitting me way harder than I thought....and he hasn't even left yet. Im sure by now you're understanding who this is about huh? Oh well....so be it....again, Im just venting, don't hate. Let me put this into perspective for anyone caring to read this.......If any of you knew me a year ago or whenever, youd understand I was not a "happy" person. I was diagnosed with severe depression from some stuff that's happened to me in the past 15 years. I was to the point where I didn't want to live, I didn't want anything to do with anyone, I wasn't confident with myself, I wasn't happy with myself, I hated life, and I hated me. Now....fast forward to this past year. I have been the happiest I think Ive ever been in my ENTIRE life...yes folks, its weird, I know. Despite a few speed bumps, Ive never smiled like I have this past year, Ive never had continueous butterflies like I have this past year, Ive never felt loved like I have this past year, and Ive never been truely happy with life and where I was at...until this past year. Now....Im sure you know the reasoning behind this "new found happiness".....and if you do, put that in your mind....and think where you would be if it happened to you. Then, take it all away...for the entire summer. That, folks, is how I feel right now. Im happy..but I feel it'll all be gone soon enough because of him leaving. I know, Im sort of childish when it comes to this, and I know most of you, if not all of you, are going to just say "It'll be ok, he'll be back", "It's only 1 summer", "Nothing will change between you and him", blah blah blah.....the list goes on. But you're not in my shoes, and your not experienceing or feeling the feelings I have. Im hardcore emotionally stressed out because of this...........Id go into further detail but I dont want to let a lot of this out into the open, it's really personal for me right now. I just need "closure" I guess. I need to figure out what is going on so I can sleep at night, even if that means it'll hurt me. Granted, I wont be able to sleep at night if it does end up that way but still...you get the point. I wish I had the answers for this summer, and I wish I could figure everything out for him...and for me. I wish I could be a better shoulder for him, and I wish I knew which way for him to go so he'd be happy. I dont know what else to do at this point. When Im not keeping myself busy, all I do is think about it...and then I get in bummed out moods like this, and write stupid blogs in which no one cares to read. Im just really hurting on this situation, and have been for a couple weeks now. I dont know what to do, he doesn't know what to do....im confused, he's confused. Where does it end. How do you know the "right" thing to do in these situations. I wish I knew......
I seriously pray every night for a miracle to happen but for some reason I don't think itll happen :( and to be honest, that really does hurt. But I can do nothing but support him in whatever happens.....and of course that's what I will do. I just wish things were easier for us right now :/
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