Hey guys...
This time no pictures, no video...just me...venting about some stuff.
Bare with me, this could potentially get long.
1st of all...ive been feeling lost lately. If youve been keeping tabs on me, youll know why. I just got done being in the production of Rocky Horror, and man was it an amazing experience...I havent done any acting since High School so it was sooo amazing to get back on that stage and perform. With that said though, it got me wanting more...it made me start thinking about my future. I know, I get in these moods a lot where all I think about is my future and what I want done with it, so maybe this is just one of those "phases"...but either way...lemme just say, I HATE BEING IN THIS HELL HOLE THEY CALL IOWA!!! I know thats a little harsh, but god damn, what id give to be in NYC right now doing what I absolutely love doing. What I would give to be in Florida performing at Disney.....people dont realize this passion I have....i mean they know i have it but they dont see the depth of it. I have this dream that in my mind will never come true because Iowas holding me back. Its not so easy to just get up and leave. I need the money for one....and thats my main reason I havent left here yet. Once I get my debts squared away I wanna leave this place, for good. But I fear itll be too late by then. I want to experience the world how I want to before I get older, before I get married, before I start a family....I want to do this stuff NOW!
I look at the people my age or even younger, who have made it so far in performing, who are now acting in broadway shows in NYC, or even directing their own shows...at freakin 20 years old!!! How amazing is that, and yet they have their whole life ahead of them to do something better. Then theres me...and people like me....who are stuck. Stuck between a hard place and a rock.
This just all depresses me. I know ive talked about this time and time again, but I cant stress it enough that I hate living in Iowa. Theres nothing for me here that makes me happy.....I mean granted, I was born and raised here, and the small town Iowa will always be a part of me, but I dont want to be stuck here the rest of my life wondering what if...what if i would have taken that chance at Disney 3 year ago, or the 2nd chance I had at disney 2 years ago....what if i would have moved right after HS graduation...what would have happened?!?!!!! I constantly already wonder what if and im only 21....I just want a break. I want a gig to happen, I know you have to work for what you want, but God, cut me some slack. I live on my own, pay everything my own, tried going to school, im in debt really bad...I cant make ends meet now, how will I make ends meet enough to get the hell out of this state and live the life I want to live?!
I guess you could just say Im in a bit of a "non-good mood" at the moment.
Thanks to those I vented to tonight though...Rob, Heather, Jameson...I <3 you all :) You put up with me venting about these things more than you have to.
Anyways, I should vent on more but I dont wanna make anyone mad at this point so Im just going to leave it at that.
Im gunna go watch "The Proposal" now and try and get things off my mind. Good luck with that, Megan. (Yes, now Im talking to myself ;) I have more problems than youll ever know ;) hehe!!!!)
P.S. I really like this quote
People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are.I don't believe in circumstances.The people who get on in this worldare the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want.And if they cant, they make them. -- George Bernard Shaw
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